Since a couple of weeks I have been grieving.....
When I was younger, someone I love very dearly and who is very close to me, tried to commit suicide twice.
Especially the second time, I had (and even still have, although it is approx. 20 years ago) the tendency to say 'when she committed suicide'.... She is still living, thankfully.
This time however she has decided to take her life in a different way.
However much I try to accept and respect this decision, I start blubbering the minute I think about it.
I don't go on facebook anymore, as I am grieving the minute I read a post about it, it makes me so very sad to loose someone who was probably the closest to me as it can be.........
I love her all the same, and will always do, but right now I just don't know what to do.
If you read this: I love you hun´, with all my heart. I hope I will find you back one day....
dinsdag 21 oktober 2014
donderdag 21 augustus 2014
Oesophagitis
Did you miss my blog updates this year?
Somehow, I just couldn't get myself to blogging.
One of the reasons is probably that this year already started challenging, healthwise, and remained so ever since.
In fact it was the day after Christmas... that it all started.
I really felt sick, which might of course have been due to the gourmet party at my in-laws, but if that would have been the real problem, I should have been feeling ok again after a couple of days. Instead it just grew worse and worse.
Just like in my pregnancies, I would get nauseous as soon as I got up in the morning. The smell of bread was an absolute no go, and coffee and meat are also on that list.
So even though a pregnancy shouldn't be possible at all, I was starting to fear that something with my husbands vasectomy might have been going wrong, or that nature would have found a way to heal it somehow.
Major relief when that wasn't the case, but I still had these problems.
Even using omeprazol, a proton pump inhibator, didn't have any result, so the GP finally sent me on to a specialist.
My first appointment was somewhere by the end of June. Everything he could see/feel/hear seemed normal, so he decided on a bloodtest and a gastrocopy, although he warned that that might not show any reason for how I felt either, it would only be a slim chance. Since I don't like having all kind of yukkie things done to me, I asked him for a percentage, which he estimated around 25%. So I agreed to have it done. My gastrocopy was planned on the first of August, as I would like to be put under, before they would stick anything down my throat.
The first of August came, and my husband took me to the hospital. Over there he nurse insisted they usually had very good results with local anaesthetics, so I finally allowed her to do that.
How I have regretted that ever since!
The moment she started to spray the stuff inside my throat, it started to burn like hell! But 1 spray dose wasn't enough, so I had to allow 3 or 4 more times, major agony!!!
I will spare you the details of what it was like when the actual gastrocopy happened, but I think it will suffice to say the nurse made her apology afterwards, and said I should have had an aneasthetic after all.
Lesson 1: if you know you're really nowhere near a hero when it comes to stuff like this, don't let any nurse tell you to try someting else than a complete anaesthetic.
The gastrocopy showed a grade 3 oesophagitis, so the doctor who performed the gastrocopy, immediately prescribed me another proton pump inhibator, since I told him the omeprazol 20 mg didn't work for me.
When I met up with my family after probably 10-15 minutes, my middle one asked me what had happened to me, as the skin of my neck was looking so red. Of course, being a mum, and not having looked in the mirror yet, I told her not to worry, and that it was probably just something that happens right after you have a gastrocopy, and that it might sure fade away quickly.
Back home again my throat still felt completely raw, and the idea of a late breakfast wasn't anywhere near on my list of things I would eventually like to do. I finally decided on having an ice lolly, which was about the best I could think of to get down that sore throat.
Late in the afternoon it still hurt so much, that I decided to have a look in the mirror.
I had quite a rash on the skin of my cheeks and my neck, and my throat looked like I had a real throat infection. To make sure I could show it to the doctor, I took a picture of my rash. This is what it looked like:
On saturday I felt so horrible, I decided to call the weekenddoctor, but all they did was tell me to take ice lollies and I should be fine be sunday night.
Lesson 2: when you are sure your throat looks like you've got an infection, don't tell them you've had a gastrocopy the day before, or they will just tell you to eat ice lollies.
On monday I made an appointment with my GP, as I also have a bursitis, and painmedication, rest and exercises didn't work, so it was time for plan C,an injection.
As per miracle I could have an appointment that same afternoon, and while I was there anyway, I told her what had happened, and that I was still unable to eat any solids.
Oh well, she could have a quick look at my throat. Surprise! Yes, you've got a throat infection indeed!
She figured the rash, which was nearly gone by monday afternoon, may have been an allergic reaction to the local aneastetic. As my tongue was looking a bit misty, she thought I might have a candida infection in my mouth and throat, so she gave me nystatine for it.
After using that for a week it was only very slightly better, and as my GP was on holiday by then, so I decided to wait for my appointment with the specialist on wednesday. I told him the same story, showed the pictures of the rash, and he totally agreed with my GP, but decided to give me something else for my throat infection, which turned out much more user friendly and more effective.
The infection is still not gone, but I can eat solids again, and I have 6 more days to go with this round of medicines.
All in all, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.
The reason I wrote this blog entry, is that despite my searches on the internet, I couldn't find any information like this, so maybe I am just the only one with experiences like this, but if not, I would like to know, and hopefully my blogpost will help anyone who may be going through the same......
Somehow, I just couldn't get myself to blogging.
One of the reasons is probably that this year already started challenging, healthwise, and remained so ever since.
In fact it was the day after Christmas... that it all started.
I really felt sick, which might of course have been due to the gourmet party at my in-laws, but if that would have been the real problem, I should have been feeling ok again after a couple of days. Instead it just grew worse and worse.
Just like in my pregnancies, I would get nauseous as soon as I got up in the morning. The smell of bread was an absolute no go, and coffee and meat are also on that list.
So even though a pregnancy shouldn't be possible at all, I was starting to fear that something with my husbands vasectomy might have been going wrong, or that nature would have found a way to heal it somehow.
Major relief when that wasn't the case, but I still had these problems.
Even using omeprazol, a proton pump inhibator, didn't have any result, so the GP finally sent me on to a specialist.
My first appointment was somewhere by the end of June. Everything he could see/feel/hear seemed normal, so he decided on a bloodtest and a gastrocopy, although he warned that that might not show any reason for how I felt either, it would only be a slim chance. Since I don't like having all kind of yukkie things done to me, I asked him for a percentage, which he estimated around 25%. So I agreed to have it done. My gastrocopy was planned on the first of August, as I would like to be put under, before they would stick anything down my throat.
The first of August came, and my husband took me to the hospital. Over there he nurse insisted they usually had very good results with local anaesthetics, so I finally allowed her to do that.
How I have regretted that ever since!
The moment she started to spray the stuff inside my throat, it started to burn like hell! But 1 spray dose wasn't enough, so I had to allow 3 or 4 more times, major agony!!!
I will spare you the details of what it was like when the actual gastrocopy happened, but I think it will suffice to say the nurse made her apology afterwards, and said I should have had an aneasthetic after all.
Lesson 1: if you know you're really nowhere near a hero when it comes to stuff like this, don't let any nurse tell you to try someting else than a complete anaesthetic.
The gastrocopy showed a grade 3 oesophagitis, so the doctor who performed the gastrocopy, immediately prescribed me another proton pump inhibator, since I told him the omeprazol 20 mg didn't work for me.
When I met up with my family after probably 10-15 minutes, my middle one asked me what had happened to me, as the skin of my neck was looking so red. Of course, being a mum, and not having looked in the mirror yet, I told her not to worry, and that it was probably just something that happens right after you have a gastrocopy, and that it might sure fade away quickly.
Back home again my throat still felt completely raw, and the idea of a late breakfast wasn't anywhere near on my list of things I would eventually like to do. I finally decided on having an ice lolly, which was about the best I could think of to get down that sore throat.
Late in the afternoon it still hurt so much, that I decided to have a look in the mirror.
I had quite a rash on the skin of my cheeks and my neck, and my throat looked like I had a real throat infection. To make sure I could show it to the doctor, I took a picture of my rash. This is what it looked like:
On saturday I felt so horrible, I decided to call the weekenddoctor, but all they did was tell me to take ice lollies and I should be fine be sunday night.
Lesson 2: when you are sure your throat looks like you've got an infection, don't tell them you've had a gastrocopy the day before, or they will just tell you to eat ice lollies.
On monday I made an appointment with my GP, as I also have a bursitis, and painmedication, rest and exercises didn't work, so it was time for plan C,an injection.
As per miracle I could have an appointment that same afternoon, and while I was there anyway, I told her what had happened, and that I was still unable to eat any solids.
Oh well, she could have a quick look at my throat. Surprise! Yes, you've got a throat infection indeed!
She figured the rash, which was nearly gone by monday afternoon, may have been an allergic reaction to the local aneastetic. As my tongue was looking a bit misty, she thought I might have a candida infection in my mouth and throat, so she gave me nystatine for it.
After using that for a week it was only very slightly better, and as my GP was on holiday by then, so I decided to wait for my appointment with the specialist on wednesday. I told him the same story, showed the pictures of the rash, and he totally agreed with my GP, but decided to give me something else for my throat infection, which turned out much more user friendly and more effective.
The infection is still not gone, but I can eat solids again, and I have 6 more days to go with this round of medicines.
All in all, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.
The reason I wrote this blog entry, is that despite my searches on the internet, I couldn't find any information like this, so maybe I am just the only one with experiences like this, but if not, I would like to know, and hopefully my blogpost will help anyone who may be going through the same......
woensdag 1 januari 2014
Happy 2014!
First of all I would like to wish everyone a Very Happy New Year!
Yes, I know I haven't been blogging for quite a while, as it was the festive season, and it was a bit too busy to blog about everything that was going on. I did take pictures with the intention to blog, but just never got to it..
I'm planning to make up for it, so I thought to make a good start and write about our New Years Eve.
On the 31st of december I always go over to my mum, to bake some traditional food, Oliebollen & Appelbeignets. My DH just hates anything that might mess up the kitchen, and this sure does!
Mum loves baking and we just have lots of fun together, getting everything ready.
As you can see, my DD11 helped peeling apples and cutting them in thick slices.
My sister hosted the party this year, and she also had lots of yummie stuff like deviled eggs, deviled tomatoes, cheese cubes, cucumberslices, and the likes.
This year we bought some childrens firework, and allowed them to use it. Only, before everything was used it started raining, so they used the last bits of it in our garden this morning.
Now I just have to go back to mum tomorrow, and help her clean the kitchen, as she didn't want to do that yesterday, and I made her promiss not to do anything about it today.
Yes, I know I haven't been blogging for quite a while, as it was the festive season, and it was a bit too busy to blog about everything that was going on. I did take pictures with the intention to blog, but just never got to it..
I'm planning to make up for it, so I thought to make a good start and write about our New Years Eve.
On the 31st of december I always go over to my mum, to bake some traditional food, Oliebollen & Appelbeignets. My DH just hates anything that might mess up the kitchen, and this sure does!
Mum loves baking and we just have lots of fun together, getting everything ready.
As you can see, my DD11 helped peeling apples and cutting them in thick slices.
My sister hosted the party this year, and she also had lots of yummie stuff like deviled eggs, deviled tomatoes, cheese cubes, cucumberslices, and the likes.
This year we bought some childrens firework, and allowed them to use it. Only, before everything was used it started raining, so they used the last bits of it in our garden this morning.
Now I just have to go back to mum tomorrow, and help her clean the kitchen, as she didn't want to do that yesterday, and I made her promiss not to do anything about it today.
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